“THE LONGER YOU WAIT FOR SOMETHING, THE MORE YOU’LL APPRECIATE IT WHEN YOU GET IT. CAUSE ANYTHING WORTH HAVING, IS DEFINITELY WORTH WAITING.”
First off, I wanted to say thank you to all my followers and readers, thank you for your patience in these last two weeks. I have been absent due to the fact that my dear son finally made his entrance into the world and my husband came home from overseas. I took time off from the computer to cherish these moments together. So, to go along with the topic of today, thank you all for waiting.
Waiting…Waiting..Waiting…Who really likes waiting? I mean come on we are the generation of we need things here and now, no waiting. The faster we receive the happier we are. So, who really likes waiting?
As for me when I found out I was pregnant I knew in that moment I needed these nine months to process becoming a mother. I was not one of those girls who was in love with being pregnant or the girl who felt a connection to her baby. For weeks and weeks, it bothered me that I could not feel anything with my child who was growing inside of me. I saw a lot of my friends who were pregnant with me be so in love and loving every minute of being pregnant. Sadness would creep in but I would push it aside for as long as I could before I needed to open up to someone, I didn’t want anyone to think less of me when I explained what was going on in my mind.
Nine months did not seem long enough and to make it scarier the weeks were flying by. Waiting was something I wanted….I needed. Never in my life have I ever wanted to wait for something. I am the girl who wants to get things done here and now. Sooner the better. Once I reached my 37 weeks the doctors told me I started dilating and for once I actually felt a little excited. Now I did not know if I wanted to wait, part of me wanted to walk this baby right on out and the other part wanted me to sit my ass down and wait for my husband to come home because I was not ready to become a mother. So, anyone that knows me knows that for the next three weeks I went back and forth with wanting to wait and not wanting to wait. My emotions were all over the place but the part that still haunted me was that I did not feel a love yet for this baby in my womb.
At my forty-week appointment my doctor said she did not think I was going to make it to my induction date on the 24th because my body was having contractions and I was dilating quick. I laughed at her saying that’s not possible and this baby will wait for his dad to come home before he is born because I am not ready yet…I am not ready. The doctor smiled and laughed a little saying she really does not think I will make it but she will still schedule everything as we planned. I left the doctors that day so confused and emotional on what I wanted and what I felt. Not even thirty minutes later I started feeling “pressure” (because I refused to admit they were contractions) and in my heart I knew our son was going to enter this world soon.
Next week I will post all about my labor and delivery so I am going to skip over that bit right now and fast forward to the minutes before our son James came into the world.
The doctor came in my hospital room with all the nurses getting ready to take James when he was born, my mom was holding my left leg and my aunt was holding my right; my sister-in-law was taking pictures while my mother-in-law held my phone so my husband could facetime us. He knew I was scared about becoming a mother and I remember hearing him over everyone else talking saying “You can do this, you are already a mother.” He kept repeating it over and over while the doctor gave me the go ahead to push. About two minutes later she said to give one last push to get James out and I put my head back on the pillow to take a deep breath. This was about to happen. All the waiting. All the unknown. It was all coming to an end with one last push. I knew my aunt could see something in my eyes because she told everyone I would push when I was ready and with that I took one last look at my husband and I gave that last push.
The next moment..was a moment so special and so pure. I heard a cry. A cry that made my heart so excited. They laid our son on my chest and all I could do was laugh and smile from pure joy. The waiting and the fear, all of it was worth it. I still did not feel like a mother yet as weird as that sounds but I felt a love so strong for this tiny human. He was my glow that I was missing while pregnant for those nine months. That no matter what laid ahead with my emotions or even life I would do anything to make sure he was safe and loved.
Thank you again to everyone who waited for this post! Sorry if it is a little shorter than usual, I am getting use to becoming a mom and balancing time between everything. I am excited to be back to blogging!
Love you all <333