To Compare or to not compare


For the past week and a half I have been struggling with writing my New Years resolution blog and I kept having writers block. Since my hiatus on blogging for two months it has been a little hard getting back in, but I know this is what I am suppose to do. So I kept pushing through and kept trying to write but nothing was clicking, than I realized maybe the New Years resolution wasn’t what I was suppose to write about. I took a day away from my computer and really tried focusing on what was on my heart. That night after putting my son to sleep I felt like God told me to write about comparing our kids. That…hit me deep.

As everyone knows I gave birth to my son four months ago and it has been a whirl wind of emotions and growth. No one quite prepares you for competitiveness between mothers that comes along with having a newborn baby or even just a mom looking up the milestones and driving herself crazy that her child is behind. (Side note I am totally that mom that looks things up.)

One of my fears with raising our son has always been (even in the womb) that he would be behind because I will be too busy with dealing with life with my husband overseas or I simply wouldn’t be teaching him enough. Any of you can ask my family if I obsess over milestones and they will all tell you I am a pyscho about it. I felt so much pressure about my son needing to be advance because lets face it…every mom post you see on social media is talking about how advance their baby is…if all babies are advance than really no one is advanced and they are all on the same track…right?? Anywho…I started getting the green jealousy monster because I was envious that everyones babies was doing all this cool stuff and I felt like my son was just being a chill lazy baby. Every time his month pictures came around I couldn’t brag about him being advance, he was just on time with his milestones. Part of my heart would break a little posting about all that he could do, wondering if parents would judge me for him not being “advanced”.

Now let me just say this…NO. MOM. SHOULD. EVER. EVER. GOOGLE. MILESTONES. Just don’t do it. It will give you grey hair wayyyy before you deserve them and it will make you question every moment of every day. I had to set my phone to not pop up with google or bing so that way I was not tempted to look anything up. During my hiatus from social media I really had to have time with myself to go over this need for wanting my son to be advanced. Why couldn’t I just be happy with the stage that he was at. Why couldn’t I be okay with all these other babies being advance and mine being just on time? Why…oh why did I have to compare?

I couldn’t answer my own questions which lead to a mini breakdown before bed, crying quietly to myself so my son couldn’t hear me. The mom guilt washed over my whole body making me feel worse about myself that I have been comparing him for months when I could have just been loving him. Once I calmed down I went on Pinterest to find activities that I could do with James for his milestone level and while I was on their I found the picture that is attached to this blog. It was on the home page right when I opened the app up. This quote hit me hard and made me realize that like a disease. It does no one good and makes you envious. Comparing can mess with someones mental health and even without mental health comparing can bring your confidence down and make you never appreciate all the good in life.

After that day two weeks ago I decided that I will no longer compare my body to other woman bodies. I love my tiger stretch marks (so does my husband which makes it all even better). I will no longer compare where we are at in life. I will no longer compare my husbands jobs to husbands who can be home. I will no longer compare my sons milestones to another baby.

I will be excited for my friends and cheer them on for having an advanced baby, I will support my mom friends in all that they do because every mom deserves her own cheering team. I will be excited for every milestone my son reaches and speak life and truth over him for I believe what you speak over your child is what will come to pass. Words are powerful. Words can heal. Words can spread love.

Each baby is unique. Each baby blossoms at their OWN time. Each baby deserves to be cheered on and loved for where they are at and where they are trying to go. Each mom is learning as they go. Each mom is doing a damn well good job.

I couldn’t be more proud of all my mom friends. Every single one of them has taught me ways of being an amazing mom. Every single one of them are following their own path and all of their babies are so loved. Every single one of them deserve to know how awesome they are doing.

Remember: There is no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it is their time.

Thank you to all my loyal readers for following me on this blogging journey and for having patience with me as I am learning how to be a mom, a wife to a husband overseas, a more involved family member and friend, learning all about oils, now a youth pastor and staying a blogger. Living my dream with doing of the things I love.

Love you all <333

Jac Jac

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